When my daughter was about 2-years-old, on a trip to the local soft play centre a rather confused looking older boy asked me “Is she a boy or a girl?” about my daughter.
Resisting the urge to point out he’d already answered his question I simply replied “She’s a girl.”
“Why is she wearing a Spider-Man t-shirt then?” he retorted.
“Because she likes Spider-Man”.
The boy pondered, until his older sister (I assume) joined in telling him “Yeah, girls can like Spider-Man too y’know!”.
With a satisfying sense of “Our work here is done”, we went on our way.
I often recall this incident. I hope every time my daughter wears superhero or Star Wars clothing, she is similarly influencing or subverting other children’s (and parents) ideas of what is and isn’t for girls.
She’ll be starting school in a few weeks, and she still needs to gain confidence in making new friends. Luckily, she knows 4 other girls in her class, but I am concerned she will find it too easy to just stick with them.
I’m encouraging her to venture outside her immediate social circle from time to time, but I’m not sure how effective I am being. I’ve asked her nursery to work with her a little on this in her final weeks there, as they have noted the same.
At the local playground, we bumped into one of the girls she knows, as I was explaining my concerns to the girl’s mother while they ran off and played.
With perfect timing, as I had just finished telling her, my daughter bounded over saying excitedly “Daddy, daddy, I’ve just made a new friend! This is James!”
Turns out they got talking because of her t-shirt – showing Captain America, Iron Man, Hulk, and Black Widow. James is a fan of Iron Man. I encouraged my daughter to talk to him about the others. With practically a sigh, she said “I’ve already told him who they are daddy”.
The kids ran off and played. I was happy that our daughter’s confidence with people is rising – and hopefully this is one boy who will now assume ‘Superheroes are for girls too”.
One thing I’ve noticed happening from time to time is that when we meet men for the first time, and they see my daughter wearing a geeky t-shirt, they have a tendency to ask her about it.
The reactions vary – most think it’s cool. Some are actually jealous (“My wife would never let me dress my daughter in that”), but others are incredulous.
These men tend to test my daughter’s knowledge, by asking her who the characters are, possibly buying into the fake geek girl idea.
She’ll often be intimidated being quizzed by a strange man, and answer “I don’t know”, reinforcing their prejudice while they mansplain the answer.
Yesterday at a local fayre, while we were waiting in the faceprinting queue, a man asked my daughter who the characters were on her top. With a seemingly new found confidence, she told him their names without hesitation.
“Oh, she really does know who they are..!” he said to no one in particular.
Hopefully this is one man who will now assume ‘Superheroes are for girls too”.
Especially after her choice of face painting.
6 thoughts on “Superheroes are for Girls (and Boys)”
Oh it’s so true about the incredulousness and unless we teach boys to not be like this will sadly continue, I know because as a girl and later a woman I’ve experienced it too accused of cashing in on a fashion rather than being a genuine fan unless you know super-obscure details. I was accused of being fake because I had opinions and that this was male-only fandom, luckily I’m made of stronger stuff but this could really affect a young girl.
My three year old is obsessed with some of the DC characters- Wonder Woman, Batman, Supergirl in particular and luckily we’ve had nothing but ‘so cute’ to her going out dressed, but it’s sad that there will at some point be judgement when no one would blink if a boy was wearing a batman tshirt.
But it won’t stop me letting her explore and like what she wants to.
I’m pretty sure when she gets to school there will be overt comments made to my daughter sometime along the lines of “that’s for boys” (which could come from either a boy or girl), and I’ve specifically addressed how we think she should react.
When I was at primary school, it was more the teachers that would say things like that. And based on my own children’s experiences at school & nursery, I’m unconvinced much has changed. Fortunately I was rebellious enough to dress up as Batman, and play football at lunch time anyway (not simultaneously). The boys were happy to embrace me as one of their own, and I felt awkward being funnelled into the expected “girl” interest groups.
I love this! Totally brilliant when anybody ask the one twin about superheroes she is straight there with the answer on the side of the twin coin ask the other about princesses and she has all the answers it all makes me proud but does slightly amuse me inside how different the twins are fabulous post Simon and good on your daughter.
Our little lady loves spiderman as she has an older brother He loves that she likes the same as him which is lovely.
Love the she hulk picture. You find the same the other way round. My son sometimes wears nail varnish copying his sister & its raised a few eyebrows. I figure why not. They are kids. Don’t pigeon hole them. #weekendblogshare life in the Mum’s Lane