AJ Roberts is a fellow dad who’s frustrated about the limited options retailers offer for his soon to be born daughter. Unlike me, he’s also been a father for over two decades and has no interest in geek culture. This is a nice reminder (for me at least) that seeking greater retail choices for our girls isn’t all about superhero capes and lightsabers.
I’m about to start my second go at a family 21 years after I first did it and later this year my partner and I will have a daughter. When my first daughter was born 17 years ago I was practically a child myself and missed so much of it due to trying to build a career.
Back then I let my (now ex-) wife do all the girly mum and daughter stuff and while she was never a full blown princess fantasist, our daughter still fell into lots of stereotypes over how she was dressed, the toys she had, and the activities she did. Thankfully, genetics kicked in and she railed against being forced to go to ballet and being given pink stuff for her birthday whilst her brother got to play drums and got robots for his. Mercifully, other than the One Direction fixation and a brief flirtation with wanting to be a hairdresser, she has become pretty badass and a strong modern young woman.
Anyway, like so many people in my situation I have vowed not to miss out on so much this time round. I didn’t want to hand over all the pre-birth goodie buying to my partner or let her mother dictate anything. I wanted to be involved in buying clothes and early toys and decorating and all those things new parents do. And when my partner returns to work I will be gleefully taking on the role of a stay at home dad (well, at least part time anyway).
Welcome to the pink aisle
Holy crap, is it possible to buy anything for a baby daughter that isn’t pink and frilly? It turns out that I can only find solace in the section of the shop that they send people to that don’t know the gender of their child yet, so that they can buy white stuff for their infant until they have the chance to return to the retail apartheid regime and buy either blue or pink items after the poor kid is born. I then glance around the rest of the shop… it gets worse.
Apparently the clothes my daughter can look forward to wearing in the first 6 years of her life will be limited to either princess or trainee stripper wear. Our only alternative seems to be giving up and going to the boys section, which would seem to defeat the whole point of being pissed off with the current status quo. I bought a pair of black baby leggings the other day with little cow skulls on them (the sort of skulls you’d see on a Lynyrd Skynyrd T-shirt) and was seriously affronted, although not surprised, when asked if they were for my son or was I buying them as a gift.
Girls love pink
I’ve questioned this to a number of people and I keep getting told “that’s what little girls like”. But how on earth can “little girls” give an opinion when their only choices are nylon Frozen dresses and pink Barbie cars?
Now, I’m not a “geek” – in either the original sense of the term, nor it’s more self-deprecating modern version. While I do love Star Wars, I do so because it is an awesome western set in space rather than a sci-fi film. I have little interest in comics other than old copies of the Beano, I haven’t had a favourite superhero since I was ten (a tie between Hulk and Superman). I have absolutely zero interest in Dr Who, and find no humour in The Big Bang Theory. So this is not a case of me looking to justify dressing his daughter up as Batman, but a dad that is wanting their daughter to have more options than being a princess.
Of course I want her to have things in common with me and would love her to be into art, music, literature or (dare I dream…) cricket. But I want her to at least be given that choice.
Please follow AJ on Twitter (@ajrobertswriter), and Facebook. His first novel, 42 Days is out soon.