For International Women’s Day, Oxfam approached me with an intriguing proposition. Knowing that I often write about my hopes and aspirations for our daughter, and the potential barriers in her way because of her gender, they put me in touch with another dad of a little girl.
He is Alex Namusokwe (37), who is the father of Ethel (7). They live in rural Zambia, about 200 km from Zambia’s capital Lusaka. Continue reading Two Dads’ Hopes For Their Daughters’ Future
As a stay-at-home dad, married to a working wife, it’s clear to me that Mother’s Day is not all things to all mothers. In the past, it’s been seen as a ‘day off for mums’. This break is also reflected in the way many businesses theme their Mother’s Day offerings – meals out, spa days – even ready meal supermarket deals!
In rather old fashioned thinking, it’s still assumed mums need time off from their normal domestic routine traditionally associated with mothers – childcare, cooking, cleaning, and general household admin. Well, seeing as I am a stay-at-home dad, those are the things that I usually do!
This is not to say that I feel like a day off from the family, or am even trying to co-opt the day itself. The simple fact that my wife was the one who pushed out a small human (probably not small enough for my wife’s liking) is clearly worth celebrating from both my daughter and I. So she definitely gets her day.
My wife likes it to be about being indulged, but that takes many forms. She is of course inset expected to do any household chores, but there is also no expectation for the responsibilities of being a parent – such as bath & bedtime, which are her activities as default. My wife likes to have a meal of her choice, whether at home or out – but this could even include a meal made by her, as she loves cooking but rarely gets the chance to do so as I tend to do that while she is taking care of bedtime.
Beyond home responsibilities, my wife would also prefer to not have to work on that weekend. It’s her job that supports us, and she works very hard at it. However, that can often mean her workload spilling over into evenings and weekends – hopefully not on Mother’s Day weekend though. But at its heart, for my wife it’s a day about her being a mother, and that means spending time with her daughter and the other person who did his part to help make her a mother (me!).
In terms of gifts, this can make things trickier than in the past. What do modern mothers really want for mother’s day? Paperchase invited me to check out their range. My wife’s love of cooking could certainly be encouraged with one of their special recipe journals. I know she treasures the time she spends doing crafts with our daughter, and Paperchase have a great range of art & craft supplies. And the right card is important – they have a diverse range to choose from, spanning the traditional to the irreverent.
As it is, we are kind of missing Mother’s Day this year, as we will be in New Zealand on the actual day – for some inexplicable reason their Mother’s (and Father’s) Day fall on a different date than ours. I have already said that she will have her very own Mother’s Day when we return to the UK – just for her. On the actual UK date while we are NZ, we already have arranged to spend tine with old Kiwi friends, so at least that’s a day of fun for her.
And I shall also make sure her day is free of chores, work, and the childcare aspects of parenting – apart from what she wants to do.
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This is a collaborative post with Paperchase. To see their suggested range of Mother’s Day gifts, please check out the selection on their website.
While our family may confound a number of gender stereotypes (breadwinning mum, at home dad, girl who loves lightsaber fights – oh hang on…), some remain – such as my wife being the baker of the house.
A regular weekend activity she shares with our daughter is baking biscuits and cupcakes. So it was rather apt that Dr. Oetker asked my daughter and I to try out a recipe from their Bake Mum’s Day recipe booklet, so we could bake some biscuits for the mother of the house.
The recipe provided was for GBBO finalist Ian Cumming’s Decorated Biscuits. It’s simple and easy to follow, which was great because a) I am a novice biscuit baker, b) There were plenty of opportunities for my daughter to help with the process – especially useful as she is less of a novice baker than I am.
My daughter is increasingly keen to help out in the kitchen. If you’re trying to get something done quickly/efficiently, I won’t deny it can be a pain – I can’t even make a cup of tea without her wanting to ‘help out’ (“Can I put the teabag in?”, “Can I put the sugar in?”, “Can I stir?”, etc.).
But if I treat it like a joint activity, rather than ticking off one of a long list of things to do during the day, making things in the kitchen can be fun – and not too messy either.
I involved her as much as I could. Certain elements such as zesting a lemon are tricky enough for me, let alone a 4-year-old. But all the measuring, sifting and mixing were part of the process she was eager to help with.
Out of the kitchen, it turned into more of a child led craft activity. As a Playdough fan, rolling the dough and cutting the shapes was second nature for her.
Then we moved onto the decoration. I admit I took a controlling hand in this part – however, she was directing me about what designs she wanted. I was more like a sous chef. But she did have a go…
And we finished up with a pretty looking collection of biscuits.
I’m not usually a fan of icing on biscuits, but in this case it really complemented the lemony flavour nicely.
RECIPE TIPS:
Mother’s Day, and how it is framed for consumers, is an interesting one. Although about two thirds of mothers are employed, with a third being the main breadwinner – the offerings around Mother’s Day still tend to be about giving mum a break from family life.
For working mothers such as my wife – especially ones with a stay-at-home partner as I am – ensuring she spends time WITH her daughter is the main point of the day, in a manner of her choosing.
So while making her some biscuits would be a lovely Mother’s Day gesture, making sure they have the chance to spend the day together – possibly even baking more biscuits – would be an even bigger one.
To download the Bake Mum’s Day recipe book for free, go to www.oetker.co.uk/mothersday . To keep up with the latest baking tips, recipes, competitions and news, follow @DrOetkerBakes or https://www.facebook.com/
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This is a sponsored post.
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This is a golden time for the comicbook nerd. As a superhero loving child, I never dreamed that my beloved comicbook heroes would be dominating both the box office and the cultural conversation in the way that they currently are.
As I was growing up, it used to drive me nuts that people could only see superheroes in terms of the sixties Adam West TV show. Superheroes were primarily silly as far as the general population was concerned. I knew better.
That slowly began to change in the 1980s, with the likes of Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns and Batman: Year One, and Alan Moore’s Watchmen and breakthrough Batman: The Killing Joke. Finally, the idea was getting into people’s heads that superheroes weren’t just for kids.
Except now, things have gone too far. Way too far.
These great superhero movies that are filling up screens on an almost weekly basis? They’re all rated 12/PG-13 as standard. So despite having toys, clothes, and other merchandise marketed to them with these characters – the films that are driving this superhero resurgence are being deliberately produced to be unsuitable for young children.
In terms of movies, I’ve barely had the chance to share my love of Marvel superheroes with my 4-year-old daughter as yet. They are all pitched to an early teen audience. We have watched a couple. The plots are fine, even when they include death they are useful ways of discussing mortality. But the tone of violence is just too visceral to really be considered suitable.
It gets even worse. Warner Bros. have released an R-Rated version of Batman V Superman, so is not recommended for anyone under 17.
This is absolutely insane. Perverse even. The idea of having a mainstream movie with Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman that children are not supposed to see is mind-blowingly ridiculous.
These characters are first and foremost for kids. Yes, the revisionist takes by Miller and Moore I mentioned were useful pop culture reference texts. But instead of informing our fundamental understanding of these characters and genres, they have become go-to texts in themselves.
I (mostly) love what Chis Nolan did with Batman. But he took it as far as it should go, and even then he gave the character a real heart at the centre of his darkness. Conversely, I almost totally hate what Zach Snyder has done with Superman. Disaster-porn was a correctly used phrase to describe Man of Steel. It was a travesty of what Superman represents.
Currently, Deadpool is rightly rated R, and Jessica Jones on Netflix is also correctly pitched as adults only too. That network’s Daredevil I’m on the fence about, but doing justice (again) to Frank Miller’s interpretation is the right way to go.
But looking ahead we have DC adult movie Suicide Squad, and even the promise from Hugh Jackman of an R-Rated Wolverine.
So in all of this, where are the superhero movies for kids? In the past it seems.
DC had some great animated series, beginning with the Batman Animated Series in the nineties. Superman (1978) and Superman II (1980) are amazing (I would like someone to lock Zach Snyder in a darkened room to watch them repeatedly one day).
And that silly Batman TV show that used to bug me so much? I love it. It’s awesome. It is visually inventive, has great actors terrific playing characters, and is great family viewing – working brilliantly for children and adults. It has one of the best title sequences in TV history. And it gave us Batgirl!
Saying something is ‘for kids’ has been seen (including by me in the past) as saying something is dumb, simplistic, stupid. A bit rubbish.
Well, that’s rubbish. It doesn’t mean that. Making a superhero movie work as a great story with compelling characters, without resorting to ‘gritty’ violence, is a real challenge that takes great skill, effort, and ability.
It is interesting that the best superhero movie ever made is still Superman: The Movie (1978), an epic movie that spans galaxies, has a cast of legends, and gave the source material – comic books for children – the reverence it deserves.
Perhaps things weren’t so bad for onscreen superheroes in my childhood after all.
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‘Batman v Superman’ images courtesy of Warner Bros. The Ultimate Edition has been rated 12 in the UK.
My wife is from there, I lived there with her for 4 years, and our daughter was born there – New Zealand is a big part of our lives.
This month we head back for our first trip to Wellington, NZ since we left in 2013.
Netflix have some great NZ films and TV shows on offer, and I thought now was as good a time as any to share some of our favourites.
This is top of the list. I probably can’t convey enough just how much I love this movie. The latest in the long comedic line of the mockcumentary (also see Spinal Tap), this stars Jermaine Clement (of Flight of the Concords) and his lesser known collaborator (outside New Zealand at least) Taika Waititi.
The premise is fairly simple – European vampires of varying ages (from decades to centuries) share a house in NZ’s capital of Wellington. Also in the mix are a recently turned Kiwi vampire, a suburban mother who want’s to be turned, and a rival group of supernatural beings – a gang of Werewolves, led by Rhys Darby (another Concords alumni – he played their manager Murray).
What did I love about this movie? Firstly, the setting. Having lived in Wellington for 4 years, while I’m glad to be settled back home in the UK it is a terrific city that I will always have fond memories of. This movie captures a little of what makes it such a fun and distinctive place – from the immense talents of the creative community to the perils of a night out on the main drag of Courtney Place.
But it’s also very funny in its own right, with a wonderfully judged tone of comedy and horror that is so difficult to get right.
Wellington is such a small city (about 200,000) it is practically impossible to avoid anyone for long. This captures that scenario (Vampires and Werewolves have trouble avoiding each other), and in reality I certainly saw all the main cast members of this on the streets of the city a number of times while I lived there.
And true to NZ form, my Wellingtonian wife recognised many people from her days at school and university (including Jermaine Clement).
If you only watch one film from this list, make it this one. And if you don’t like it then we clearly have nothing in common.
In little ol’ NZ fashion, this features a lot connections with What We Do In The Shadows – not least its star Rhys Darby, who created this as a vehicle for himself.
It is also made in the mockcumentary style, but more overtly about New Zealand than ‘Shadows’. Each episode sees Rhys as one (or more) Kiwi character who lives in the fictional ‘bay’, in a series presented by real life journalist David Farrier.
As well as Darby, Conchord Jermaine Clement is one of the directors, and a number of other well-known guest stars appear, including Karl Urban, Sam Neill, and Stephen Merchant.
While I was unsure about it after the first episode, it quickly became binge watch material and we finished the show in a few days. The title of this show is a reference to New Zealand’s Tall Poppy syndrome, whereby anyone who becomes too successful is soon cut down to size by the media and/or public opinion. While we are largely invited to mock the characters Rhys portrays here, there is also a clearly a great love for them too.
While categorised on Netflix as a British TV show, this is a New Zealand made and set show, from Kiwi filmmaker Jane Campion, famed for The Piano among others.
Originally set to reunite Campion with Anna Paquin – the now adult star of The Piano (who pulled out due to her pregnancy), this instead features another US TV star, Elizabeth Moss – famous for playing Peggy Olsen in Mad Men.
Set in New Zealand’s sparsely populated South Island, this (a little unbelievably) sees Moss as an Aussie police officer who returns to her small NZ town from overseas, and is immersed in a dark tale involving local gangsters, child suicide, and a women’s refuge commune.
The show also stars another actor from The Piano, Holly Hunter, who here plays the enigmatic (in look as well as manner) leader of Paradise, the commune at the heart of the mystery.
This is Campion’s first work for TV since her breakthrough drama Angel at my Table (which many don’t even realise began life as an NZ TV drama).
There is a sequel to this coming later this year, that is being shot entirely in Australia. That seems a real shame as the starkness of the New Zealand location is one of the big drawing points for this engaging drama.
Hands up who thought that Edmund Hillary – who along with Tenzing Norgay became the first climbers to reach the summit of Everest – was British? Hopefully not just me…
Like many UK children, I was taught (correctly) that it was a British expedition that finally conquered the summit of Everest in 1953. What was less – if at all – covered at my school was the nationality of the climbers. While the fact that ‘Sherpa Tenzing’ was from Nepal was fairly well stated, I had no idea that Edmund Hillary was in fact a New Zealander until I met my Kiwi wife.
Hillary is in fact a national hero in New Zealand, and the lack of knowledge about his nationality in the wider UK populace would likely horrify their rather easily offended national character on these matters.
Anyway, this film puts that ignorance to bed once and for all. A docudrama of sorts, this lays out the narrative of the expedition, and the way that Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay earned their place in history ahead of the British mountaineers who were also part of the group.
The film does a great job of conveying the pioneering nature of the expedition, and the other worldly quality of humans walking atop the highest point on Earth. Highly recommended – especially if you’re as ignorant as me about this piece of history.
And finally…
I have not seen this infamous TV series, but I am including it as it is an example of the international TV productions created in New Zealand by the US producer Robert Tapert. A childhood friend of Evil Dead and Spider-Man director Sam Raimi, they first made series such as Hercules and Xena in New Zealand in the nineties. Tapert fell in love with the country – as well as the Kiwi who played Xena, Lucy Lawless – and has endeavoured to make TV shows in New Zealand ever since. Spartacus is one of the most recent examples.
The Roman era show is renowned for the explicit depiction of sex and violence, rather than the quality of the drama.
The first series starred Andy Whitfield in the title role, who died in 2011 of non-Hodgkin lymphoma. After he was diagnosed, a prequel series, sans the character of Spartacus was made, and then following Andy Whitfield’s passing, the role of Spartacus was taken over by Liam McIntyre.
Not in the UK or Ireland? Check what Netflix NZ movies are available in your territory here.
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Disclosure: I am a member of the Netflix #StreamTeam program. Our household receives free Netflix for a year and I post about how our family uses the service.
